Highlights from John Van Arnam’s appearance on The Third Talk® at Envision Science Academy November 16, 2022 in Wake Forest, North Carolina.
So, when my kids were sophomores, juniors and seniors in high school, we had this deal, and the deal was if they were ever out at a party and somebody that was supposed to be driving them had been drinking, all they had to do was call me and give me their address, and our deal was that I would show up, I would unlock the doors, I would look straight ahead, I wouldn’t say a word. They would get in the car, I would drive them straight home. I would unlock the door and they would go up and go into their rooms. We weren’t going to talk about it. We weren’t going to talk about it that night. We weren’t going to talk about it the next day at breakfast. We were never going to talk about it. And the reason that I made them that deal is because I wanted them to call me. I wanted them to call me as opposed to making that mistake. It’s the same thing. You want your young people to come and tell you. And to do that you have to be a safe space for them.
“You’re not allowed to view porn.”
I strongly encourage parents to use that word “porn”.
“You’re not allowed to watch porn. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Might be the first time they ever heard it.
Another nutty stat is that 75% of parents in the United States don’t believe that their kids ever have or ever will see this content. And to me, this might be the biggest problem we have. Because if we all knew how much content was out there and how accessible it was to all of our young people we might not have as big of a problem.
The bad news is that this content is super harmful to young people. And it hurts them by causing physical brain trauma by pulling blood away from the frontal cortex of their brain while they’re growing and learning. This is an incredibly important developmental time in their growth. And so pulling blood away from the frontal cortex actually hurts their brain. It causes emotional damage. You don’t see yourself and you don’t see others as other human beings, you see them as two-dimensional objects.
The good news is that when you leave here today your children are not going to want to see it. Your children are going to be willing to talk to you about it and you will be incredibly informed on how to do that with them. There’s nothing to write down, there’s nothing to remember. I give you my word when you leave out of here tonight you’ll know exactly how to have this conversation.
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John has been advocating for child internet safety for over 20 years. He is the creator of the Parent’s Guide, an eBook and Video Series that helps parents initiate this difficult conversation with their kids. John is also available for Family Coaching Sessions as well as Appearances at your School, Church and Community Venues.
Get the Parent’s Guide: https://thethirdtalk.org/the-third-talk-parents-guide/
Book a One-On-One Coaching Session: https://thethirdtalk.org/coaching-sessions/
Book a Group Coaching Session: https://thethirdtalk.org/coaching-sessions-group/
Book Appearance: https://thethirdtalk.org/book-the-third-talk/
